Monday, March 9, 2009

It hurts so good!

I had a good day today....

Woke up and got ready, Schae picked me up and we went to the Library to have a mini practice before our performance.. then had tech. Performance was good. It was soo fun. The whole thing haha. I love my girls. Then ate. Chilled at my house for a couple hours... and off the rehearsal to dance some more. Good warm up... good conditioning.. AMAZING piece. Jonathon is REEEE DIX! The piece he taught us was seriously... my favorite ive learned for this new set. I felt like he was picking on me.. haha he kept watching me and stuff.. but i guess i should take that as a good thing. haha AND i am so damn sore! my thighs are on fire. i cant even imagine that pain im going to go thru tomorrow! haha

anyways. At moms right now just ate. its SUPER late and i need to get to bed. Back to work in the morning... ehhhh. well anyways... GOODNIGHT!

HiFi HOOFERS!

Friday, February 27, 2009

Today..

Was a regualr day at work... Woke up, went to work and my day began... so heres todays story...

So im checking in one of the physician assistants today, and let me just first say that we play music from an alarm clock at the front desk at work. It stays on one station which is 93.1 the party station. haha lame yes i know! but dont hate cuz i listen to that after work. HA! chillin in the car adonis and i, bumpin THE PARTY STATION! haha anyways...
so by now i know pretty much all the songs that are in rotation everyday all day. haha so im standing there.. making copies and an old school song is on. Let me admit... i dont even know what song it was. lol but i found myself, trying to " pop " . i was getting my flex on. Then im sitting doing some computer work, checking patient information sheets and what not and im trying to do some foot work to " supersonic " lol. DONT JUDGE ME! Then, im done checking in and im making name labels for mondays charts and im really trying to put some moves together to Lady Gaga - just dance... and i just got to thinking....
Dance is my life. haha its all i think about when im not stressing over lifes usual issues. I love to dance. I love that i think about it all the time. I love that im always trying to gather up some new ideas. I love that im trying to try new things.. knowing that there is no way i could do it as of right now no matter how much i try. but i still try.
Dancing really is a passion. It is really a big part of my life. Its something that i could look forward to .. its something that teaches me things, its something that makes me happy, its something that keeps me sane, its really a love. I just wish my family supported me more. But hey. If you really love something and you believe that its really what you love, than you just gotta do what you gotta do.
Its not the stage that keeps me dancing. That in itself is just a bonus, the learning experience, the culture, the experience itself.. is what keeps me going. The love is there. And i just wanted to share with all of you that i am really ALWAYS thinking of dancing, when im at work, on my lunch, in the shower, at walmart. WHATEVER! hahha And dont act like ya'll dont be trying to dance in the shower!!!

Anyways. Im tired. but i told Adonis that i wouldnt nap as much. And really, i sleep way too much. So i really need to STAY AWAKE! lol. but yes. Hope everyone has fun at Urban legends. well the ones that went. safe trip... do work. see you when you get back. Gnite loves :)

Thats some bull ass shit..

Its funny how you put things,
the way you want people to think about you.

you say your over it, and that you dont want it...
really this time? haha i dont know how many times its been said.
but yet you still trying. im good. if thats how you feel so be it.
cuz i know im the one with who shares everything.
i get the pillow time at night,
the hand kisses in the car,
the compliments,
the love,
were on the grown tip, together.
But your the one thats over it, haha you go ahead and tell everyone that.
But i wouldnt be surprised if you jump the next time asked... as usual.
So you go ahead with these lyrics that you put up as your guard and this
will be it from me.
Im just tired of the fake. Cuz really you aint foolin nobody.
And to get the record straight, you wish you were the main entree..ha


seriously im just tired of it. I dont pay no mind to you. You do you and i do me. i dont say shit, so please. You dont like me, i dont like you. So be it. but if you want to put shit out there... then im not just gonna sit and take it. so please..... just be done.

<3 Jem & Minnie :)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

So Tired..

I've just been soo tired lately. I work 8 hours a day 5 days a week and im constantly on my feet. The only time i get to sit is during my lunch. My days lately have been dragging and i hate it. I love where i work, i love what i've learned at this job, i love the experience, i love some of the girls i work with, but this isnt what i want to be doing for the rest of my life..

I want to go back to school. In order for me to do that i need to get my life on track. I need MONEY! i need a car of my own. I need to not have to depend on ANYONE for ANYTHING. But its just hard right now cuz of the situation. But i really want to go back to school. In order for me to do that im going to need a night job. The school i want to go to doesnt offer night classes and im required to go full time. Well thats just not going to work right now.

This whole situation is just frustrating. I NEED to be able to do shit for myself. By myself. but its hard with one car... one car that i cant even drive... for more than just one reason. I hate it.

seriously... im just tiired..

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Bad News...

So i found out that my grandma, aunt and two cousin got kicked out of the house, due to an irresponsible individual, who will remain nameless,who care really about nothing else but himself his girlfriend and drugs.. Did not pay for the rent. So now, one of the most important person in my life is out and about. I did find out she moved in with my uncle, which i think is better, but that is on the other side of the world from where they used to live, which must mean that my cousins probably have to switch schools in the middle of the year... that really sucks. I keep them in my prayers and hope for the best. Mama deserves way more than what she gets sometimes...

On another serious note, My great grandma on my dads passed away Monday. Thanks to Donnie i know that. My dad lost contact with me, but i guess he feels its okay to just tell my kuya and not me. ha ha i really just dont get it sometimes... But lets not get into that.... R.I.P <3

Work was busy today, but other than that it was okay, at home. Going to rest and chill before a long day once again tomorrow.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I feel like its never gonna end..

okay so i woke up today... and i felt like shit. hahah i didnt even do anything last night. Seriously, having no car sucks. I cant take myself anywhere and i hate it!

but yes, i was sick New Years weekend... and for a moment i felt like i got better, but i woke up and it just all came back. I dont know what the hell is going on but i dont like it. I thought my head hurt because i was hot and i didnt eat anything the night prior.. so i walked myself to jack in the box to get some food, but i couldnt even eat my food cuz i just didnt feel well. came back home and tried to dance it off.. nope made me feel worst acutally. Took a shower.. nope that didnt help either. My head hurts hella bad and my nose is a bit stuffed. My immune sysmtem sucks :( hoepfully i feel better by tomorrow.. haha cuz i would hate to be at work feeling like this.

The worst part is ive been HOME ALL WEEKEND. So its not like im all hung over, or i had practice the night before or went to the gym ro whatever... I DID nothing! dammit. i need some vitamin c in my life.

Anyways.. Adonis comes home tonight. Feels like i havent seen him in like a week.. its cool tho. it wasnt that bad at all. but anywho. ive been online almost ALL afternoon and i want to nap .. but im afraid that if i nap that i wont be able to go to sleep later on tonight and i cant be doing that, cuz i gotta be at work at 7am tomorrow. Mondays are bad enough i dont need to be sleepless. lol

I miss my Mom.. and my grandma... and daffi... and hifi.. and the people that i dont even see anymore :( okay im done.

:)

Saturday, January 10, 2009

It gets to me sometimes..

People judge people all the time. For what reason? Who really knows. For the simple fact that they think they're better, or that maybe they're jealous. Maybe just because. Maybe there really isnt a reason what so ever. Just because they feel like it. And people just like to talk about others. Gossip. Talk shit. Spread rumors.

All my life i've been judged. I've been judged by friends, family, just people that may know me, or have heard of me. People always have something to say about me.. about my family, about my friends, my lifestyle, my decisions, my boyfriend, etc. Really, why does it matter to anyone.

Its one thing to be someone that cares for me, to ask me if this is something i really want to do, or if its worth it, or " why " questions. I know people have their concerns and i know that people care about me. But its another things to say things to others about me because of what im doing, or what i've chosen to do, or what my friends and family have done or whatever. To come attack me and tell me that what im doing is wrong and that im stupid because i've chosen to do this or do that or whatever. Really, its my life. And the only way im going to learn from any of mistakes is to make them first.

Yes, i admit there are some things in my life that could be better, but you know what, let me decide when i can and will do things to better myself. I know what would make me happy. I know what im worth. I know i can do things for myself and i know and believe that i'll be great in life. Give me time to grow and learn. Dont judge because you think you can do better, or because you think you are better.

Im an independent individual. I am a young woman and i have dreams. I love to the fullest extent and give as much as i can to the people i love the most. I have made choices to better myself and my life. I work hard to stay on my feet and will not let anyone take me down. I know people have their doubts about me. I know there are people out there that want me to fail. They want to me fail at work, dance, with my relationship, in life. but just wait and see....

Im a good person and i believe in myself. I believe that one day it will just be easier. Im patient. I am happy with my job for the moment. I trying to do things what will better myself with dance, im trying to go back to school, i've finally figured out what i want to do, im happy with Adonis. its been rough but i am happy. Im happy with where i live, im happy with my mom,fam. Sometimes its a struggle and it could be better , but im happy with my life.

Dont judge me, believe in me. If you cant do that just dont say anything to me, about me, or even think of me. I can be better, i will be better. be patient, i'll show you.